Oh.

Me: Do you come to mom's bed in the night because you are scared?

Tru: I come because I love you.

My first four days of family leave

I've got 18 weeks off folks - and I plan to enjoy every last hour of my sabbatical/recovery/baby bonding time. Let's talk about the first four days:

Monday: HOLY COW. Not working is so amazing. FREEDOM. My stay at home mom friends are so lucky! I am at Safeway and it is not Sunday afternoon or 9pm on a week night! I have time to go to the post office for the first time in three years! LIVING THE LIFE.

Tuesday: I am totally taking Truman to preschool and then eating breakfast on the couch. Preschool is good for him, right? I wouldn't want to mess with his schedule. I am going to wear SWEAT PANTS. And a sports bra. Like my glasses? Get used to em. My morning routine is now down to 8 minutes.

And I suppose I should clean the house. I hadn't noticed how gross this bathroom was getting. Oh - dusty bunnies over here? Cobwebs in the corners? Oh my goodness. This place needs a deep clean.

Wednesday: OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED. I am listening to CNN on the radio - that bored. The house chores are never ending - why even clean these windows when they will be dirty again in two seconds. But I am totally making nachos for lunch!

Thursday: Is my workplace worried about me? Do they wish I would call? Maybe I should check-in. Should I let them know I am still alive, still pregnant, and the baseboards in my bathroom are super clean? Do they want to hear about the hour I spent on pinterest searching for "linen closet organization?" 

Not ready

The days are flying by. Winter came and went. Our big event at work was a success. My last day in the office is Friday. It is almost June.

For months Truman has been asking, "When will the baby be here?" And we have been responding, "Not for a long long time."

And suddenly I feel like I have very little time left. So many intentions left unfilled. So many plans that will have to wait. There is a little bit of panic. Not about labor and birth. Not about a new baby. But about my desire to hold on to this chapter - 34 years in and pregnant with my last child - for a little bit longer. I can't hold on to the days (and my pelvis doesn't want to) but I know in my heart this is a very very special and tender time. And I wish time would come to a stand still so I could memorize what this feels like.

Naming a baby

It's tough to name a baby. And when you name a second baby it is even more complicated. We didn't want another T name. We wanted to avoid themes so we had to rule out Lincoln, Reagan, and any other presidential names. We love big names. But nothing too wacky. No hippy names.

After the 20-week ultrasound we ruled out our favorite girl names:

Emerald

Genevieve

Eden

 

Iris

Matilda

Mercy

Holland

And in the last month we narrowed the boy names and ruled out:

Waylan

Melvin

Kaleb

Callahan

Malcom

Julian

We think we have landed on a name . . . we are testing it out. Yelling it. Singing it. Asking Truman if he likes it.

It's an Irish name. We'll tell you soon. :)

First camping trip of 2013

Conversation with a three year old

Do we have salamander eggs in our pond?

Yes.

Do we have frog eggs in our pond?

I'm not sure.

What about raccoon eggs?

Raccoons don't lay eggs, they have live babies.

No.

Some animals lay eggs and some animals have live babies. Mommies, cats, cows, raccoons - they have live babies. They are called mammals. Reptiles and birds lay eggs.

No!

Name all the animals.

Well that would be a lot. You can capture all the animals by saying "the animal kingdom"

Don't say that! Name all the animals!

NAME ALL THE ANIMALS!

My precious one

Nine Years

In 2003 I told Jason, "I am going to graduate school in Boston next year. You can come with me if you make an honest woman out of me." In 2004 we tied the knot. Happy nine years to us!

We celebrated by spending the day at an awesome farm/cidery in Chimicum. If you live on the Kitsap or Olympic Peninsula, you should check it out! http://www.finnriver.com/

Preparing for birth

In early pregnancy, I imagined preparing for birth with daily meditation, long stretches of prenatal yoga, and giant platters of fruit and cheese.

And here I sit - watching Survivor in the middle of a messy room, polishing off a bag of Easter candy.

And while my reality does not quite match up to my expectations, today marks the day when I have officially gathered everything I need for baby D. Sure, we still have to wash the baby clothes and pack the bags, double check on insurance and clean the carpets, but all the things I wanted to buy, are purchased. And suddenly I feel very very ready. I only needed three things . . .

1. Nikki McClure's baby journal. This was one of my prized possessions from Truman's babyhood and it is filled with stories and memories of our life together so far. Baby D. gets the same treatment. The book arrived this week and is sitting in his cradle.

 

2. Diapers. We are doing things a little differently this time - using pocket diapers instead of "prefolds" with a wrap. Entirely too much of my brain has been dedicated to cloth diaper purchasing and research, but we finally have everything we need for the first six months.

 

3. Socks. I have this weird memory of myself during Truman's birth. I would yell out to Jason, "Take off my socks! I'm too hot!" And then I would have a contraction and yell, "Put my socks back on!"  During transition I was totally naked, walking around the room, asking my midwives and Jason to take my socks on and off. It seems random, but I knew I wouldn't be ready for labor unless I had some nice new socks. When our REI dividend arrived this week it was obvious how I should spend our money:



Time to sit back and enjoy the last trimester.

Time

I have tried to avoid talking/writing/lamenting about how fast my little one is growing. It feels so cliche to say, "They grow-up so fast." and "Where has the time gone?"

But lately, as I prepare myself for two littles instead of one, I find myself thinking a lot about how quickly Truman has turned from babe to boy.  I mark off the big milestones in his baby book - learning to walk and eat, and lately learning to pedal a tricycle and get ready for school on his own.

But it is the subtle, unexpected signs of growth that catch me off guard and take my breath away. The first time he played with other kids on the playground instead of screaming at me, "Come! Slide!"

Or the other night when I was telling Jason a story that brought tears to my eyes and from out of nowhere Truman appeared and wiped my tears with his sleeve.

And on Monday, when we were in a public bathroom and he told me he wanted to go into the stall by himself. I lingered at the door. Peaking in. Impressed with his aim.

Not quite ready to let go.